


Everything to Gain

by thinlizzy2



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Cardassia, Dominion War, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-05 11:05:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11576799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinlizzy2/pseuds/thinlizzy2
Summary: Deep in the tunnels of Cardassia, Garak and Damar examine the future of their homeworld,  the nature of change and the strange affection growing between them.A missing scene from the Dominion War arc.





	Everything to Gain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TwoMenAndAGuava (drakkynfyre47)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drakkynfyre47/gifts).



By the time Garak returned from his recon, sweaty from the heat of the tunnels and coated in a layer of dust in addition to that, Damar already had their camp beds set up and the rations packets open and steaming. Garak wrinkled his nose, declining the food, though he imagined he would begrudgingly eat it if he got hungry enough and there was nothing else to choose from. So far, however, he had managed to hold off until fresh provisions could be found and he was lucky that Cardassians needed to eat less frequently than most other humanoid races. So for the meantime he contented himself with a cup of water that somehow managed to taste as dusty as their surroundings. 

"Any sign of the Colonel?" Garak asked, although he probably didn't need to. Kira Nerys had grown up doing exactly this: scurrying through the hidden veins and arteries of the world, blending into the shadows to avoid her enemies, waiting for the exact right moment to strike at the Achilles heel of a foe much bigger and stronger than herself. The fact that she had lived through all of that to fight in another world's battles was something Garak comforted himself with far more often than he would have liked to admit. 

"She went south", Damar explained. "More twists that way, more side tunnels. I think it'll take her about thirty minutes more, but it's nothing to worry about." His casual tone sounded suspiciously deliberate to Garak's well trained ears and his sidelong glances southward indicated that he was more concerned than he let on. 

_Are you worried?_ That's what Garak meant to ask. He was exhausted but if Damar wanted he would go look for Kira. It would possibly get him shot, crashing around in search of her in the darkness, but there was little enough that he could do for Damar's peace of mind and he was sick of feeling useless. But when he opened his mouth something entirely different came out.

"Do you want her?" He snapped his mouth shut, stunned at the rare slip despite his extensive education in giving nothing away. He was grateful for the darkness of the tunnels, which would hide his expression. Whatever it was that he had with Damar, it was definitely too new and too poorly defined for him to suddenly start acting like a jealous husband. Still Damar had killed Rusot, a trusted friend and fellow Cardassian, to keep Kira alive and ever since then his behavior towards her had been troubling.

But Damar merely snorted and Garak felt his something in his chest release. "In another world, maybe. In another lifetime. But in this one?" He shrugged. "I admire her. it takes a certain kind of person to survive in this life, let alone to thrive and succeed here. I'm hoping that's something she can teach." He picked up one of the rations packets, sniffed it, grimaced and put it down again. "I'm not Dukat though. I don't get any perverse thrills from longing for women who loathe me. Particularly not Bajorans." 

Garak laughed and sat down, shifting as he tried to get comfortable on the hard rock. As far as reassurances went, it was hardly a lifelong vow of fidelity and yet he felt satisfied. He refilled his cup of dust water. "I must say, not being Dukat is one of your most sterling qualities. It's one of the things I admire most about you." 

The expected laugh in return didn't come. Instead, Damar sounded all too somber. "Do you think he'll know if we die out here? Do you think he'll find out?" Damar's questions seemed to come from nowhere but the truth was that Garak had wondered about that himself. Dukat was one of his least favorite people and the idea of the other man gloating over the news of Garak's death set his teeth on edge. But it was more complicated for Damar, who had once adored Dukat and had even looked up to him as an example of what a Cardassian leader should be. Stuck in difficult place in terms of answering, Garak made what, for him, was an unusual choice. 

He opted for honesty. 

"I think he may be beyond caring at this point. About us absolutely, about the war and maybe even about Cardassia. I just think... he's not _here_ anymore." 

Damar sighed. He took a long pull from his drinking flask and although Garak knew that it only had water in it he could tell that Damar's whole body was longing for Kanar. "I can't imagine it", Damar declared. "I mean, writing off three individual people? Of course. We're soldiers and we make sacrifices. Hell, a thousand people, a million. I can see how it could be done. But Cardassia? Cardassia itself – the system, the race, everything it's been and could be. I don't think I'm capable of not caring about that. Not while I'm still alive." 

Garak thought it over for a while. As a boy, he had loved Cardassia with the fierce blind passion of the privileged son of a thriving world. There had been no question of him growing up to be anything but a leading servant of the state and for a long time he had relished that role. He had not only killed for Cardassia, he had tortured and maimed for it. And then Cardassia had abandoned him and allowed him to be left behind among the Bajorans and the Federation. And those enemies and strangers turned friends had watched with their suspiciously guileless eyes as their values and beliefs had soaked through Garak's skin. And now they were in his veins and he knew he could never fight for the Cardassia of his youth ever again. 

But as Damar had put it, fighting for Cardassia as it could be? That he could do. 

"It will have to change", Garak declared. "Like we did." He remembered Damar's periods of crippling drunkenness, his fits of rage. "It might be painful for a while. But if Cardassia can change, it will be beautiful again." It was what he needed to believe, or else he might go mad down there. Cardassia would thrive. It would rise to its natural role as a great leader among the worlds and it would be deserving of all that Garak had to give once again.

"Like you? Become a mish-mash of old ideals and new thinking and foreign values?" Garak jerked his head up in self-defense but then he saw the look in Damar's eyes. The comment was not meant as an insult – quite the opposite. "Yes", Damar agreed. He reached for Garak's hand and twined their fingers together. "It can be beautiful again, more than it ever was in the past. It can be worth loving." He brought Garak's hand to his mouth and brushed a kiss across the knuckles. His lips were dry and cracked, but Garak shivered nonetheless. "We simply have to learn how to get it there. And stay alive until we do." 

"Bajor did it", Garak reminded him. "It was a ruined world, drained of everything that once made it valuable, on the brink of civil war." He tightened his grip on Damar's hand, irrationally worried about abandonment despite Damar showing no sign of wanting to let him go. "And now it may very well be the most important planet in two quadrants. I know this may be difficult for our people to accept, but we may very well have to-" 

"Learn from the Bajorans." Damar interrupted him with a wry smile. "I've made my peace with it; others can too. They aren't going to have a choice. Learning from the Federation, the Romulans, the Klingons, and the Bajorans too - that's how it will have to be." 

"Glad to hear it." Both men whipped their heads up at the unexpected intrusion. Gifted as she was at slipping silently out of shadows, neither of them had noticed Kira Nerys until she was well into the cavern. "One less thing for me to worry about." She perched on a large rounded stone and stripped off her jacket, using the fabric to wipe sweat from her face and neck. "Is any there potable water left?" 

Garak pulled his hand away from Damar and then instantly regretted it. The Colonel wasn't prone to gossip and it was clear that she couldn't care less what the two of them did in private anyway. Still, what was done was done. He poured the drink and handed it to her. "It's not exactly clean", he warned. "But it won't make you sick." 

"It'll do." Kira took two long swallows and then a smaller sip. Then she put the cup aside and picked up a rations packet. Garak watched in repulsed fascination as she lifted forkfuls of the brown mush into her mouth. "How can you eat that?" 

"What?" Kira shrugged. "So it tastes bad. It's food. It sustains you." She took another sip of water. "It's better to eat it before you're starving. Gulping this stuff down on an empty stomach will make you sick and then you have to endure eating it without getting most of the nutritional value." 

Damar gave a short hard laugh. "I imagine it looks and tastes the same after having been vomited up. It might even smell better at that point."

Kira rolled her eyes. "It's your call. Be hungry if you want. Get weak and distracted and make bad decisions. I'm not going to hold you down and spoon feed you."

Garak opened his mouth and then shut it again. Glancing over at Damar, he saw silent resignation there. He sighed as he reached for a packet, preparing for a hard lesson in how to make ready to fight for all the worthiest things.


End file.
